At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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