soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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