Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
