I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
