The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
