glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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