The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
