An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
