people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
