every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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