Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do vagina's smell?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
