her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
