You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
