Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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