Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
NoShamevember. You game?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
