So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
