if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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