READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
false alarm. still invincible.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
