you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
