in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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