I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
