remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
