summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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