Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
