Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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