my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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