Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize