Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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