oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
