im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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