Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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