Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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