Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
