I looked at my own cervix.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
