Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize