Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
