Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
