Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
