sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
