forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize