I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
