So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize