First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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