Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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