Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
