Pappa wants mamma naked
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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