I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's just like the Real World with babies
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
