we have officially lost it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
