I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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