She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize