She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
that is very illegal...i love you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
