Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
