i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
