I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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