Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
