You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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