He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
well you can't waste a boner
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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