My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
