He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
