can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
