We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
