Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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