She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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