I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
