This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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