rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
