I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
