It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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